Community connections and cake – “not just for people with dementia”
The monthly Memory Café at St Michael the Archangel Rushall has been running for three years: it’s advertised as “not just for people with dementia but for anyone who is looking for home made cake, tea/coffee, friends to chat with and occasional speakers, craft sessions”. When I was at the Memory Café recently, it was apparent that there’s a warm welcome for everyone there. Rev Colin Such values the group and appreciates Carol Beckwith and Rose Harris’s teamwork in running it: Carol and Rose say, “We have fun from it, seeing other people enjoy it”. The delicious cakes were celebrated by one and all: Tony fully approved of Rose’s new creation, a delicious coconut and lime cake, as well as her tried and tested Victoria sponge.
And Tony said, emphatically, that this month’s talk on pub signs was “Very, very interesting”. Ian Bott, the Historian at Walsall Leather Museum, gave a fascinating slide show and talk on “A Gallery of Pub Signs”, with lots of local examples. We enjoyed recognising local pubs and swapping stories about the ones they knew, as well as hearing the stories behind different pub names. Apparently, pubs and churches have close connections: pilgrims would journey to religious establishments with hostels attached, giving rise to the name 'hostelry'.
At the Memory Café the focus varies month by month, sharing a singsong or a quiz or a range of other activities. Whatever the focus, there’s invariably a warm welcome and wonderful tea and cake. When I asked Tony’s wife Ann what she values about the group, she was quick to respond: “A nice piece of cake and a cup of tea and a chat – and different themes, sometimes making things, other times a talk. We started coming here because Tony gets so isolated after his stroke – and I encourage him to speak to other people. We didn’t chose the stroke and we have to make the best of it. He’s treated like anybody else here.”
Jo and Keith have been married for 51 years and they’ve been coming to the Memory Café for more than a year, after seeing a notice advertising it. They both enjoy the friendship that the group provides and Jo explains, “He wouldn’t do activities at home, but he’s happy to join in with them here.” Keith is living with dementia and when they first came to the Memory Café, Carol immediately welcomed Jo as well as Keith, saying, “This is for you as much as for him”. With shared understanding, as well as Alzheimer’s Society booklets sharing information, there’s a sense of honest journeying together through the challenges of dementia, with enough trust to share both tears and enjoyment.
Everyone who comes values the company that the Memory Café offers. Dawn explains, “It’s just so friendly. I’ve brought a carrot and ginger cake today, because I like to give something back. We’ve had a ukelele band and activities and there’s often a quiz at the end of the day. I do enjoy it. My husband drops me off and picks me up. It gives him a break too.”
There’s such a natural sense of welcome and enjoyment at the Memory Café that it seems almost effortless: it’s certainly infectious. I’ve returned to words written by Wendy Mitchell, who lived with dementia (from “What I wish people knew about dementia: from someone who knows” p.177):
“happiness for me, and many of my friends, involves mindfulness of the moment, an appreciation of the present because, after all, the past can often be a blur and the future is a complete unknown. But then, has anything really changed? Shouldn’t all of us live in the moment more? It’s just that we got out of practice. Think of how much pleasure a toddler has in examining a tiny shell on the beach – nothing will distract her from her task. Yet as we get older, we get out of the habit of focusing on one thing; instead, we let desire for other things spoil the moment we have in front of us. We focus on the lack, rather than what we have. More than anything, dementia has taught me that we all need to return to the moment at hand.”
In the midst of dementia or other challenges, the Memory Café offers space where each person is welcomed and valued and woven in, together appreciating the moment in hand. I came away with a refreshed spring in my step – and I could see that was true for all of us at the Memory Café. The church recognises the importance of “opportunities to share time together in social events… to encourage and support each other and together and as individuals to reach out to others and by our friendship and charitable giving to change lives”: what a wonderful way of living out St Michael’s mission “to share God's love in and to our community”.
For all our churches, it’s well worth noticing the places where we offer space for community and connection, quietly and regularly – and perhaps also cake!
St Michael the Archangel Rushall is one of more than 100 churches across our diocese which is part of the Dementia-Friendly Churches network: it has recently renewed its Dementia-Friendly Church Certificate for the fifth time.
The Memory Café runs once a month, on the last Tuesday of the month from 2-4pm in Rushall Parish Church Hall, 68 Leigh Road, Walsall, WS4 2DS and you can be assured of a warm welcome, understanding and a good time. https://www.rushallparish.org/Dementia_Friendly/
If you’re looking for something on a weekly basis at St Michael’s, there’s a Place of Welcome Drop In every Tuesday from 10am – 12 noon, with a cuppa and, you’ve guessed it, delicious cake too!
Sarah Thorpe, Dementia-Friendly Church Enabler, Diocese of Lichfield
0798 224 8949 | Dementia-friendly Church